Book: Three Cups of Tea
by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
Penguin Books, 2006 - ISBN: 0-670-03482-7

 
A veteran mountain climber, Greg Mortenson was “defeated” in an attempt to climb K2 in 1993, the highest peak in northern Pakistan. On his way back he was so tired that he lost his way three times, even though he had picked up a guide. The third time he ended up in a tiny tribal village at the Pakistan border. The villagers nursed him back to health without hesitation.

Struck by their unflinching kindness, their poverty, and the natural beauty of their setting, this American man decided to help the Muslim village in any way he could. After several talks with the village Iman (tribal leader), he decided to build the village a school. This was a school for girls in which subjects other than just religion was taught. The wisdom of the tribal Iman guided and inspired Mortenson. He did not convert to Islam, but respected the culture and learned as much as he could.

He decided this was his way to bring relief and peace. He has since built many schools in the tribal, mountainess regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan, plus clinics, higher education opportunities for the teenagers, and many other projects. He now runs the Central Asia Institute which funds all these projects.

Only 50% of Americans believe that Iraq is a big problem right now. I know that this is because we have short attention spans and our domestic economy now fills our attention. Yet, I believe that Iraq is an open wound that we carry around us no matter if we support the war or not.

I find it ironic that in a war when we finally support our troops no matter what, we are finding that the majority think the war is misguided, hopeless, and worse. My friend, a patriotic, excellent soldier piloted a med-evac helicopter in Iraq for a year went to a spa after he came home. Believe me, he is a tough pilot and not the spa type, but he wanted to be cleaned out by having all his body hair waxed. He did not want one molecule of dirt or dust from Iraq left on his body. And this was not his original idea. He learned about it from his fellow enlisted who were planning to do the same thing.

.He took a lot of pictures which were grisly and heartbreaking, yet I could not look away. I felt it was my duty to see some of what he saw.

What are we to make of all this irony, despair, ambivalence, and heavy symbolism? That we now reside between two true contradictions: 1. 9/11 and defending our country with force and 2.this war is truly terrible for all living things.

Well, for those who have worked with me, you know how I love paradox. This is a HUGE one. When you live in it, as we all do, everyday, then it is too easy to get stuck among these all-encompassing contradictions because it is seemingly a closed system, with little honest and authentic feedback, and therefore cannot move towards a new resolution.. However, I believe that how we resolve this paradox is vitally important for our health, our family’s health, our professional health, and our community’s health.

Paradox, the seeming conundrum between two opposite but true “contradictions” is found in every aspect of life. To get unstuck, both sides must be deemed to be true. Both sides must be fleshed out, supported, and illuminated. The resulting increase of tension brings us into a shift and resolution of the second order. The system hates instability and naturally reaches for new stability..  In business and in marriage, paradox can be resolved when we accept both sides of an argument or problem and sit in the middle, no matter how painful or confusing, and bring in honest feedback and information into the mix. This is a very different behavior. The system becomes unstable and then resolves itself by reaching upwards for a new level of stability. This is called a second-order change.

For me, one resolution of the paradox is to act “out of the box” and support the hope that schools for girls, seemingly a radical idea, but in fact, mandated by the Koran will bring about something different in their present and future. Many of these border villages have been taken over by Islamic fundamentalists, yet the schools still thrive.

Mortenson’s mentor, the Iman Haji Ali led him interpret the Koran as it was written, full of aspirations to peace and a God made of Love. My sense of helplessness about the war is combined with a sense of hope because I now support the Central Asia Institute.

I believe it is everyone’s responsibility to not become distracted or numb, but to “hold” this war, the contradictions of it and the pain of it, in our daily lives.

So, when I talk with my clients about mindfulness and staying present even in the midst of confusion, this becomes a type of honest “feedback” and an example of doing something different. On this new path, we can be open enough to see what is generated by this process.

Holding the contradictions of the war and sitting in the middle, bringing in honest feedback, love, and a different behavior may very well bring the stuck system into a second-order change.

Rumi, who wrote about the Qu’ron being as a guide to contact with a God who is made of Love, says:

“When did a lack of knowledge ever give birth to this love? No, ignorance only falls in love with what is lifeless. A lack of knowledge cannot discern; it mistakes a flash of lighting for the sun.”

“God continually turns you from one state of feeling to another, revealing truth by means of opposites…So that you may have the two wings of fear and hope; for the bird with one wing is unable to fly…..1529-1535