TOO BUSY TO READ?  I've read it for you!
YOUR LONG EROTIC WEEKENED by Lana Holstein, M.D. And David Taylor, M.D.

YOUR LONG EROTIC WEEKENED

I bought this book 10 years ago during a stay at Canyon Ranch in Arizona. At the time, Drs. Holstein and Taylor were holding sexuality workshops at Mirival, the next resort down the road. In this book, the authors present their take on active sexuality, combining aspects of their medical research, Tantric theory, Feldenkreis, and depth therapy.

 It was hot when we were there, And by that I mean the weather.. All we did everyday was work-out, eat, read fiction, hang-out, and get a massage. One a day. Can you imagine? This went on for a week. We went beyond relaxation into a coma-like existence.. Each massage went deeper than the one before. This must be the Canyon Ranch phenomenon--  blissed-out patrons  saying, “Wow, today's massage was even better than yesterday's”--. and then we said the same thing the nest day, too, like a broken record.

Having sex in all this blissed-out heat? You must be kidding. That would have required passion and energy. We had long naps and even longer sleeps instead,. The only thing that kept us up at night was the herd of harmless wild pigs outside our windows.

I took this book out last week, read it for the first time,and liked it. It is timeless and I can make use of it in any decade. Let's get down to business, the business of:

 
THE KISS

This exercise is not intended to teach you how to kiss. Most of us already know, although I get common complaints in my office: her—“when he kisses me it feels like he's trying to swallow me up,” and him--”she kisses me with a tight mouth like its an obligation.”

Let's assume you don't do this. The irony is that when we already know how to do something, it's hard to learn how to do it better. So, putting yourself in an intimate space with your partner with your heart open and your mind flexible can go a long way.

This exercise is designed to help you sense yourself better, and to develop sensitivity that will lead you to a new experience when you kiss. The different experience can awaken you to new awareness of yourself and to new possibilities that can become part of your kissing “menu.” Even knowing that there can be a kissing menu might be a new idea for you.

1. Begin by kissing your partner in your usual way, whatever this is. Now, do something different. Take your time .What do you notice? What sensations come to your attention?

Be aware of your own lips, mouth, and tongue and your partner's . What happens when both mouths are held in in your same awareness? Observe the quality of the softness, firmness, warmth, coolness, wetness or dryness.

The separate mouths so each of you can do the next part on your own.

1. Close your eyes and take a moment to sense the area of your mouth and lips. How big, full does your mouth feel? How much space do they take up? Do they feel relaxed or tight? Do they turn in or out? Don't try to change them, just notice them.

Then push your lips forward a little in a kissing-up movement and then into the resting position. Repeat this a number of times. Make this movement soft and slow; gently. Try not to make the movement as big as possible, make it smaller and do a lot less than you're capable of. This may turn out to be harder than you thought. To make this repetitive movement smaller and slower takes practice. Be patient. There is a point to this. The quality will improve.

1. Take a rest now and do nothing special.
2. Now gently take hold of your lower lip with thumb and forefinger and curve it forward, turning it slightly inside out and then rest. Do this slowly several times.
3. Do the same with your upper lip.
4. Notice with both upper and lower lips you are not stretching or pushing them but easing them or coaxing them forward. Notice the elasticity of the tissue.
5. Let your face relax completely and make the movement as soft as possible.
6. Rest for a bit
7. Now push your lips forward gently into a kissing movement again. Does this feel different to you now? Is your movement slower and more even? Do your lips go farther forward with less effort?
8. Rest again and see how this feels. Does anything feel softer or fuller?
9. Turn to your partner and kiss him or her again. How is this different from when you started? Have our lips changed, or your partner's, or both? What changed?
10. Did the lips or movement of the lips change? Did the nature, feel, sensation of the kiss change? Were you able to sense something new with your lips?

Bessame Mucho

This simple exercise shows how much tension we hold in our mouths unknowingly and how to get rid of it easily with body awareness and doing something fun. This tension may be habitual and you and your partner may want to practice this until you become fully aware of having a relaxed mouth before you start kissing.

It's Summer, it's time for vacation and fun, so kiss your partner, spouse, friend with benefits, kids, cats, and dogs. Happy Kissing!

Wendy Allen, Ph. D is a psychotherapist and coach. She is an expert in Couples and Marriage therapy. Go to her website to learn more: www.wendyphd.com