COUPLES AND MARRIAGE THERAPY
LIFE COACHING
August 2009

EVERY STEP WE TAKE

This summer I reached a milestone event. Or, I should say, it was a ten thousand feet event. Seven years ago I broke my leg in many places and had to relearn to walk. I spent many hundreds of quiet hours in my bed that first year, planning my comeback.

I have always been a hiker and my family has gone to Aspen, Colorado in the summers to hike. I’ve been going there since I was a kid so for thirty-five years I have hiked its many breathtaking trails, each one as magnificent as the next. There is an unbelievably gorgeous valley, called the Maroon Bells where a perfect confluence of nature consists. Snow capped iron-ore mountains (maroon) shaped kind of like upside-down bells. A pure mountain-mirror lake at their feet, reflecting perfectly the sky and the mountains. Ridges on both sides covered with Aspen and lots of green fir trees. Many beaver dams on the river flowing down the valley. If you’re lucky you’ll see big-horned sheep, elk, bear, and the beavers themselves who work during the day because we people keep their natural predators at bay.

“He who climbs the upon the highest mountains laughs at all tragedies, real or imaginary.”
Friedrich Nietzshe

I have seen it every year, at many different times of day and in both summer and fall(when the leaves turn yellow and are sparkling with icicles making it a real-life fairly-land) and I always greet the valley with open-mouthed astonishment. It’s that beautiful.

It is now the most photographed place on Earth, surpassing the Taj Mahal. (How do they know these things?) In the summer it is filled with visitors who are as thrilled as me and that is what takes it into a level of spiritualism for me. Everyone there is so happy! Everyone has a mile-wide grin on their mouths and when asked how they are doing today they answer, “Fabulous! Couldn’t be better! There are no words to describe this!”

I knew a guy who set out in the ‘70’s to go across country and find the most beautiful place in America. He and his friend drove into Aspen after dark and were directed to the only camping available, alongside the Bells. They set up camp in the dark. He told me, “when we woke up in the morning and saw where we were, I said, well, we can stop looking now!” They spent the rest of the summer getting jobs in Aspen and hiking and biking.

So, I hope I’ve made my point. This place is really special to me.

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you
as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”
John Muir

Before my accident I was great hiking at high elevation. I loved the feeling of my heart hammering in my chest and then resting, letting my heart rate go back to normal.

After six years of Pilates three times a week and on the treadmill, I knew I could give my two favorite hikes a good shot. My Pilates teacher showed me a different way to climb, using my abdomen (of course, this is Pilates) and quad to pick up my leg, bypassing my battered knee. She worked me on that for the last three months.

Well, as you can tell by now, this story has a happy ending. I stayed present, concentrated on every step, used hiking sticks, rested at least 15 times and made it up from 8-10,000’ feet. I got to the second lake for the first time in seven years.

“Creating a new theory is not like destroying an old barn and erecting a skyscraper in its place. It is rather like climbing a mountain, gaining new and wider views, discovering unexpected connections between our starting points and its rich environment.
Albert Einstein.

I did my best imitation of jumping up and down when I saw Crater Lake. I told my husband that I owe it all to him. He said, no, you owe it all to yourself. I concentrated on every step going back down, knowing a fall could spell disaster, but got back without incident. The only thing that was sore were my abs!

Even though I had to spend the next day mostly in bed, I was thrilled and so was my family.

I went on my most favorite hike two days later and made it up into the backcountry for an hour longer. Wildflowers as tall as my head. The next day in bed, but hey, who cares?

Then I had a talk with myself, as I often have to, to regulate my intensity. “If this is a hiking vacation,” I told myself, “then just go for it. But if you want to socialize with your family at all, you’re done with hiking for this visit.” I listened to my wise self and found just taking walks at 8,000 feet had its own pleasures and rewards.

So, in this life of a terrible economy, loving my work, and loving my family and friends, what did I learn? How did I apply this to my daily life?

What comes up, must go down. And you can go up and down, up and down, over and over.
Use your strengths to bypass your weaknesses
Find the right person to help you. Great things aren’t achieved on your own.
Stop and rest whenever you need to and push yourself hard, the rest of the time.
Be very, very specific about your goal.
Be clear on your intention and visualize exactly how you are going to get there, step by step.
At the same time, don’t shape how the outcome will turn out. None of us know that. Meaning, BE FLEXIBLE.
Be present and focus on every step. Celebrate effort no matter what the outcome.
Pace yourself. Remember that you can’t have it all but you can have some of a lot.
Stay grounded and look around at beauty.
Remember, letting go of our addiction to certainty leads us to some kind of adventure.

Wendy Allen, Ph.D, MFT has been in practice as a therapist and business coach for 25 years. As a therapist she specializes in couples, marriage, and individual therapy. To learn more about her or set up an appointment go to: www.wendyphd.com