ONE OF THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST: A MEMORIAL

The husband and daughter of a friend of mine died suddenly on Christmas Day. I went to the only public memorial, held a few weeks later for the husband. It was held in a beautiful park on a very warm day in January.

The husband was a young man--in his 40's--who was a wildly successful entrepreneur. He had been named "Entrepreneur of the Year" by Forbes Magazine. Attending his memorial was like getting a brief view into his business world. I was very interested to hear that the words his business friends used to describe him were exactly the same as the ones I talk about when I do coaching for the reluctant or eager entrepreneur.

Pervasive Optimism
Never any excuses as to why he shouldn't go for it.
Going for it.
Great sense of humor.
Relentless enthusiasm
Knew where every penny went
Very, very smart.

Sound familiar?

Granted, my friend's husband (M.F.H) was born into a family with a grandfather who made a fortune inventing the paint-by-numbers games. His father, a physician, said that all this business know-how skipped a generation from g-father to son.

MFH was in business for himself by the age of 8, selling eggs in his very upper-crust neighborhood, which made me chuckle... He never stopped coming up with money-making ideas... He was a "born" entrepreneur.

Anytime this guy has a new idea or one of his friends did, he could see the big picture and start working backwards. 90% of his ideas never came to fruition, but the ones that did made him into a eight-figure millionaire at a young age.

Granted, he was born into wealth and never had the fear of not having enough money so he could reach big and make a lot more. His confidence in himself was stunning and appealing. He was intensive in his approach to projects and played hard, like a kid, the rest of the time.

When he sold one business to a computer giant, he received, as reported, above $300,000,000. His wife told us that he "really deserved it because he had been working very hard on this one business, for almost seven years."

My husband and I, entrepreneurs in our businesses for thirty years apiece, laughed to ourselves. We felt like dinosaurs. It would never have occurred to me to think that after 30 years my work should be valued in the millions of dollars, but therapy and coaching are different animals than computer programs.

Yet, there are things to learn from him. Business was, to him, a fun, intense game full of driven energy. He was driven by his vision, his enthusiasm, and never talking himself out of pursuing a good or interesting idea.

He kept a tight network around him for support and ideas. His wife, also a business woman and attorney, advised him. His co-workers at the million dollar buy-in hedge fund that he ran were encouraged to speak to him honestly and not be yes men. At the memorial they talked about how stimulating and creative their conversations were.

The rest of his network was around the country and around the world and he checked in with members often, sometimes daily. He kept his network close.

One day a friend from Israel mentioned pedi-cabs. Without research, my friend's husband and his friend jumped in the car and drove at "break-neck" speeds to San Francisco. After speaking with the pedi-cab company there, they told him to go to Los Angeles and speak with headquarters. So they drove back and into L.A.

It turned out that this idea wasn't a good business for whatever reasons. I use this example to illustrate his relentless enthusiasm. He rarely doubted himself and had fun in the process.

I talked about all of this with my sister, Lynn Grodzki, the author of, Building Your Ideal Private Practice, about how it might be possible to bring private practice therapists into these emotional states of reality, no fear and no doubt. She did remind me that most of us therapists do not have a lot of money backing us.

Granted, the profile of therapists is often the loner, introspective type. What would it take to move into any of the emotional and mental states listed above? Into just one of them? Let's say you and I collaborated on a marketing strategy and plan for 2009. The only problem is you hate marketing! I wonder what would happen if I coached you not to activate it until you could find a way to make it fun. What a great brainstorming session we would have!

He really went his own way and lived within a circle of people who had similar traits. So for him, this was his normal. How would you make it your normal? So often therapists find comfort in their group where we accept a quiet approach to business. What would it take to see yourself differently?.

I believe that never accepting your or anybody else's reasons and excuses about why we shouldn't try a new project would be a great transformational exercise. What if you decided on a project to enhance your business and you told yourself, "no excuses," and also nixed each excuse as they come up for you?

I think a lot of our emotional issues would be exposed and have to be put to the side. The only emotions we need to help us are drive, optimism, enthusiasm, humor, and fun. Think about solving any problem you have just using the tools in the list above.

"Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. Personally, I prefer fun." C.C. Barrett

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ABOUT WENDY ALLEN, Ph.D.

Wendy Allen, PhD, has been a psychotherapist for 20 years in Santa Barbara. Her PhD is in Clinical Psychology and Organizational Development. She travels across the country presenting programs for psychotherapists, health care professionals and business people who want to become leaders in the workplace, including anyone who wants to achieve personal and professional goals towards more success, fulfillment and profit.