Who should come to marriage therapy?
If you have a problem in your marriage, one that doesn’t go away, then brief marriage therapy is very helpful.
Why can’t we work it out ourselves?
Marriage brings out the best and worst of us. We each have our own perceptions of ourselves, our partners and of what is going on between the two of you. I can give you an objective read of your dynamics.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?
We couples can spend an inordinate amount of time arguing about why we are right. This does not solve an argument. The arguments and conflicts about who is right seldom reach a sustainable conclusion—they are a waste of time.
Well, what should we be fighting about, then?
Marital fights show energy and passion. That energy and passion can be channeled into productive, intimate interactions.
Do you take sides? How will I know if you have a bias against one of us?
I do take sides. I take the side of the marriage. I take the side of who needs to be more empowered. I teach them these skills. It brings the dynamic into balance.
I work very closely with the one of you who is more “off” in your behaviors and beliefs.
I want the “off” partner to succeed, to come into their authentic power and do right by themselves, their family, and their marriage. It is all an ecosystem that is impacted by the good or bad actions of one.
How will I know you know what you are doing?
You are in very good hands when you work with me. I have seen and helped hundreds upon hundreds of couples. You will already know the truth of my feedback or come to see it clearly. I join with the truth.
Is it scary to come into therapy?
For most people it is. Speaking your truth can be scary. You will also feel relief. My clients are the bravest people I know.
Does therapy have to be hard?
Yes, it is hard to change what is perhaps a life-long or marriage-long behavior. Yet, the hard work can bring us into a lot of laughs. Humor is very important for change.
How does the Relational Life Training model work?
I take the first two-hour session and give each of you a full hour to tell me your perspective.
I may ask questions.
I will not let your partner interrupt.
The next session is when I give you feedback and talk about what I really think is going on and the patterns that have kept you stuck.
I will tell you my treatment plan.
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What else do we do?
I give you the big picture about your marriage and the specific skills you will need to change.
We talk each week about where you tried to do something new or different and where you have gotten stuck..I teach you and we practice what to try when that happens again. I focus on each of your individuals needs and on the way you act in the marriage. I have a set of specific skills for you to learn and take into your daily life as homework.
I may also request to see one or each of you alone to give you extra help with your personal issues.
Is each session two hours?
Yes, we have a lot to do and the time goes by quickly.
Does insurance pay?
I don’t have any relationships with insurance companies. I give you an invoice each month and you submit that to your insurance company and see what they want to do.
What if insurance won’t pay?
You have to decide if the money you spend on marriage therapy is worth it to save yourself and your marriage. What in life is a better investment in your life and family?
How long does therapy last?
If both partners are will an open to change, we can do a lot in three months, which is considered brief therapy.
What to we get at the end?
Every single one of my clients has told me that the way I work is completely different than any therapy they have been to. They understand themselves, their partners, and how to have a better marriage in a whole new way.