Always Remember Humanity—even in the Most Difficult Times

Whew, these past three years have been a challenging ride for our nation.  The divisiveness between the political right and the political left has been so contentious that it reminds me of the countless nasty divorces that have harmed far too many children. I worked doing custody for ten years and it was the hardest work I ever did.

Whether we’re talking about a nation, a marriage, or a friendship, the bottom-line rule is always, do no harm . Doing no harm concerning a divorce means not blaming it on the kids or anyone else.  

Doing no harm during a marriage means remembering respect and friendship even in the most contentious moments. Wanting others to hurt because they hurt you or they are “bad” people will not help.

Revenge is a fantasy and can if acted out can blow up yourself and your world. Justifying attacking others who harmed you is “offending from the victim position” and is responsible 90% of the world’s violence.

This type of thinking goes sounds like, ”if you hurt me , I get to harm you right back ten times worse and without and guilt or remorse.” Offending from the victim position harms all of us. Regardless of how your lover, friend, parent, co-worker, enemy, or (fill in the blank) behaves, refuse to use their bad behviour as an excuse for you to get away with theirs. There is no excuse for abuse –from you towards others or others towards you.

When we stay in offending from the victim position” passive/aggression long enough we can find the flip to the grandiose “self-righteous indignation.” Neither stance is helpful, productive or will help you find any solutions or even, listeners.

We’ve all done this. The trick is when you’re in it,, get out of it as fast as you can. Remember your humanity. Remember that most people have humanity. Go from the Worst of Yourself to the Best. Take the high road; it’s way less busy and will it yields far better results.

by my mentor, Lis Merlo-Booth

c. October 5, 2020