Choose Your Actions

“Choosing your actions based on how others will respond will cost you yourself.”—LMB

Far too many people determine their actions or inactions based on how they imagine the other person will respond:

  • If they believe their partner will be angry if they set a limit, they don’t set it.

  • If they think their friend will get sad if they tell them the truth, they won’t speak their truth.

  • If they believe their spouse will say no to their request, they don’t ask for what they want.

Over time, all these unspoken truths, unset limits, and unasked requests wear down even the best of all relationships. If you stop setting limits with every person who gets angry in response to limits, you open the door to more poor treatment.

Allowing others to determine what you will or will not say or do is a recipe for disaster. You, and only you, can determine what’s okay and not okay when it comes to how others treat you, what you want, and what you are willing to accept or not accept.

Working your side of the fence is hard enough in relationships; you cannot worry about the other person’s side as well. Be respectful, strong, and honest and allow the chips to fall where they may. An honest relationship requires courage.

Challenge: Pay attention to what you don’t say or do, and how you might be deferring to your spouse as a way to avoid conflict. Change yourself and see what happens.

c: 2020

Lisa Merlo Booth

Hayley Fedders