"WE KNOW WHAT WE KNOW."
One of the most difficult things for women to do is to trust that we know what we know.
Far too often we turn to others to corroborate what we’re thinking. We may think that what our boss did was outrageous, but we ask our best friend what she thinks just to make sure we’re not “off” in our assessment. We have a great idea regarding a project at work, yet when our colleague says it won’t work, we may hold back and not share it with our boss.
If we have an uneasy feeling that our spouse is having an affair, we may ask our spouse and believe their words rather than our instincts and their actions. We may even ask our best friend whether they think our spouse is cheating and use their response to either strengthen our opinion or discount it. Even when we have an uneasy feeling about someone, we have a tendency to ask our friend if they think the same thing. If h/she says we’re crazy to think that, we tend to ignore our own instincts and agree with our friend’s assessment.
We want reassurance. We want agreement. We don’t want to feel mean, unfair, extreme, or wrong. So we question ourselves. We ask for agreement. What we often don’t do is trust ourselves. We struggle with listening to our instinct, daring to see what we see and simply leaning in to what our gut is telling us. This is especially true when we take the time to truly slow down our reactions and simply listen.
It’s time we start to trust ourselves. It’s time we stop looking to others for the answers we have in ourselves. It’s time for you to trust you. Slow down, tune in, and trust that you know what you know. This one move may forever change your life and relationships. Trust yourself. Trust it.
Challenge: Slow down, tune in, and trust. Most of our instincts come clearly and matter-of-factly and again and again until we listen. Try and tune in this month.
By Lisa Merlo Booth c:2018
Wendy Allen, Ph.D, MFT is an expert in couples and marriage therapy. She has been practicing in Santa Barbara for almost 30 years. She is the only Marriage therapist in the tri-counties using the Real Relational Living model, from which all of these ideas are based upon.