What happens between the BIG moments, is the space where love is cemented or lost.

Some moments of conflict are tough. Special occasions can be great or terrible. Birthdays can be remembered or forgotten and anniversaries celebrated or barely acknowledged. The truth is, though, that none of these happenings or absence of happenings really determines how a relationship is or will become. All relationships will have their good and bad moments because we’re all human. Everyone will make mistakes, mess things up, and, fortunately, will also at times, knock it out of the ballpark. These experiences are the ups and downs of life.

It’s the moments between these events that really solidify or harm relationships. Here are the moments that give you a true glimpse into the heart of any relationship:

  • The way two people speak to each other in anger or upset

  • The way two people speak to each other day in and day out

  • The way each person speaks about the other person with friends, family, or strangers

  • The way a partner responds to their partner’s foibles. mistakes, and oversights—do they mock them, show compassion, or get angered by them?

  • How accountable a partner is for his/her mistakes and/or hurtful actions.

Loving relationships are built by two people who treat each other lovingly. Love shows up in the “off” moments as much as, if not more so, than in the big moments. Are you respectful? Are mistakes responded to with contempt or patience? Do you each speak to and about each other with reverence, admiration, and love, or annoyance?  Are you each accountable or defensive? Do you listen to your partner, or dismiss his/her ideas, upsets, or requests? Love shows up in the everyday moments; be sure you’re showing up during these moments and not just the big ones.

Challenge:  Pay attention to the way you and your partner are showing up during the everyday moments and the moments in between. Work the love in your everyday reactions and notice what happens.

C:Lisa Merlo Booth May 2019

Relational TherapyWendy Allen